May 16, 2012

Worry Scurry

i am worried.

usually, when i worry, it will manifest into absurd, impulsive and usually what-was-i-thinking purchases.

i am a woman who does terrible things to herself. what is that word again?

self-destructive tendencies. 

those are 3 words by  the way.

anyway, i am in my 37th week of pregnancy. i will be this Friday 18 May 2012. 

to those who are never pregnant, or will never be pregnant (that is, you are male of the species), 40 weeks is the maturity date of a pregnancy. but a woman could give birth anytime between the 37th and 40th week. 

if you are wondering why is it 40 weeks since we human beings are supposed to be pregnant for 9 months, the 4 additional weeks are called 'artificial weeks' whereby we start counting from the first day of a mother-to-be's period or rather, the start of her last period before she gets pregnant.

if you are still perturbed by this, go and Google about it in the internet. there is a wealth of information in the realm for you absorb and share. it is just a matter of what interests you, really.

back from the short intermission. i am actually worried because...

1. i am in my 37th week and that means i could deliver my baby anytime... and i've yet to pack my bags and make the cot nice and the drawer ready to be filled with baby clothes. i should be able to this readily as i have had 2 kids prior to this, but with the gap being 5 years since my last pregnancy, i am still trying to navigate through what could be said a trying pregnancy in terms of trials and tribulations.

or perhaps, that is just an excuse. i am just too darn tired to do all these by myself. i want the support, the encouragement, the enthusiasm because i feel that my spouse is not providing those three enough, for me to do it wholeheartedly.

but despite that, should not i be wholeheartedly enthusiastic, encouraged and supported by my own self will?

must i wait for someone to be my rock before i could rock on?

yes, that bugs me a lot.

2. well, this was already discussed in Reason #1. 

my hubby. my spouse. my other half.

he does make the effort to accompany me once or twice to see the gynae ever since i was pregnant.

he did say that he procured the cement drain cover for the baby. (i wondered if that was honey talk because i was sulking at the time).

he has not bought any items for the new babe, other than the... drain covers. 

he was supposed to look for drawers last weekend but ended up buying a new bed frame for the guest room. what was that about? 

anyways, that is reason enough for me to be worried.

3. then there is my medical condition. i have what you call GBS. you could Google that too, because i am not going to elaborate about it here.

it gnawed me for a long time. the more i read about it, the more i get jittery.

my gynae recommended that i go through normal delivery with penicillin administered in my system intravenously. 

insyaAllah, my baby will be alright. 

i pray for that everyday. somehow i wonder if i have prayed enough.

4. i wonder if my 2 elder kids will be alright. i am sure they will be adapt to the change, but changes take time and my kids who are attached to me, will need to be able to understand that my time will be mostly with the new sibling who needs me more.

actually, i am not that worried. i believe they will be fine. they are loving and supportive kids. and we have each other. :)

yes, the list is only 4. but i feel that it's a lot.

for my silent readers out there, thanks for listening.

more importantly, pray for my baby and me. insyaAllah.

to end, i found this poem and would like to share it with you here :

May 2, 2012


been awhile since my last update.

i have no excuse except for the fact that i am in my 35th week of pregnancy. (hoping that answers a lot of queries over the lack of updates, rather than sounding like an excuse).

what have i been up to?

shopping online. hehehe... which is to my dismay is very easy nowadays with the advent of PC, Wifi and some extra dosh of late.

i have been buying some necessities (my own interpretation) and some luxuries (again, it's my own distinct interpretation of the word). i blamed my own subconscious for this as i was actually trying (in vain) to forget some stuff by hoarding other physical stuff.

one of the coveted items finally arrived last weekend but i was too sick and tired to enjoy the handbag. i wish i could muster the enthusiasm to use the bag, but i don't feel up to it. 

which is so not me.

maybe another purchase could cure me. 

or should i just accept it and face my issues head on?

anyway, the picture below somehow prompted this post. i wonder if could call it my muse. *wink*

i am not much of shoes fan, but this pair is just too lovely to pass over.

by the way the image is from

and another thing.

the funny bit about shopping online is that i even skipped opening my blogger account. i haven't found any appealing posts in my reading list for awhile, and decided that it did not require my attention any longer.

and today, with heavy rain and heavy eyelids being my biggest current headaches, i decided it's time for a post.