March 14, 2012

the unexplained

at times i wonder what is it that triggerred the human psychosis to feel that sensation of missing someone.

i am sure there are a number of researches which have been done to unearth the mysterious ways in which a human mind works.

i remember missing my other half when he went away overseas for work and the mere sniff of his worn t-shirt made me bawl like a baby.

there are other times, when certain random, mundane events made us go back to the times that has passed and we long for it once more.

we human beings are hardwired to be sentimental - even if some would say they are not tied to the hogwash of yesteryears - because face it, we have many men and women striving to get back to their youth or their youthful days when all things are carefree and (relatively) easy. they either try very hard to maintain their looks by exercising and eating healthily and then, taking the even extreme steps to consume or indulge in endeavours involving chemical assistance or knife intervention to look young.

not to mention the middle age or mid life crisis. 

when men buy the fastest cars that money can buy, or that top of the line gadget just to stay hip. i shall not go into that part on chasing younger women, because to be fair, there is a growing trend of older women dating much younger men. and we do not need to go abroad to find such examples.

so i shan't spare the women. but we rather like to indulge in a more beautifying aspect of feeling young such as those oh-satisfying and sensory stimulating slimming and spa treatments. anything that makes us feel good, in turn makes us feel young.

so i do not believe anyone who say they are not sentimental at all. believe me, even if it does not manifest in their outward behaviour, it will surely be inherent in the things they hoard or accumulate. it will be in the way they dress or the company they keep. the sentimentalism will definitely appear in a myriad of colourful ways.

but here i am digressing again.

i am actually wondering about the scientific reasons for missing someone.

"here i go about in my daily routine, telling myself that by not contacting him anymore, i will be better... and i was... except then, all of a sudden, without notice, when i was just going about doing something totally routine, the pangs came. i feel these painful spasms in my heart... literally. well it felt that way. it felt debilitating."

"my grandma's sister in law, which means, she's my grand aunt, was so heart broken, grieving badly and  missing her other half who passed away recently, later was struck by stroke within days after the funeral - the similar ailment that caused her husband to pass on. she loves him too much and the thought of going through life without him just made her feel... totally numb."

so how do we explain all these?

i went on a bit of a research on the net. type "missing someone scientific explanation" on the Google page and press enter.


a few thousand hits. i haven't really found the reasons yet in this one but this particular site below is a good groundbreaking find.

(not exactly answering the questions, but it delves into the other things or aspects in life which you often wonder and yet there are still no definite answers to them)

i also found this.

When a person feels secluded or feels loss, changes in the brain's blood flow occur. The anterior cingulate cortex (responsible for regulating physical pain distress) becomes more active during these times. This is seen in victims of depression who also register physical pain due to the detection of nociception, which triggers a variety of responses, one which results in the experience of pain. People who are depressed or who are under extreme stress are more at risk to develop heart disease and other cardiovascular diseases based on research that found depression to help in thickening artery walls . 

while it does not actually answer the question about why we miss someone, it does elaborate about the feeling of loss, which is akin to that 'missing feeling'.

but i think the most relevant to my burning query could be found here:

In short, depending on the length of your relationship, you either miss the things you did with your partner because of testosterone/estrogen, serotonin, and dopamine or your addiction has evolved beyond the activities and also includes targeted feelings for that specific individual (and possibly feelings related to share responsibilities) in which case you have nerve growth factor, and possibly norepinephrine and oxytocin to blame.

This is, I suppose, a somewhat important distinction. You may feel like you love a person now, but if the relationship hasn’t lasted longer than at least a year, then you were probably did not love them so much as you loved being with them. In which case, “jumping back on the horse” really can make you feel better. If you did love them, then you will probably just have to “suffer through the pain” for a couple of years while your HGF levels go down.

don't you think these sound totally hokey and farfetched?

made me wish i did not ask for an answer in the first place. teeheehee...

to end this hopefully dissecting discursive on missing someone, here is a short poem or saying on the subject:

"As contratries are known by contraries, so is the delight of presence best known by the torments of absence." - Alcibiades