BIRTHDAY CAKES

I have MUCH to update, but I DON'T have MUCH TIME.

we had a small aqiqah do (for my lil bub) with 2 birthday parties inserted. hehehe... so much for cost saving!

so here are 2 photos of my sons' yummy and beautiful birthday cakes.

two siblings with totally different interest at this time. :)

anyway, i ordered these cakes from a friend of mine. her blog is here.

WE COULDN'T EAT WALLACE AND GROMIT FACES

IRON MAN CRAZE IS INEVITABLE

 

 

the unexplained

at times i wonder what is it that triggerred the human psychosis to feel that sensation of missing someone.

i am sure there are a number of researches which have been done to unearth the mysterious ways in which a human mind works.

i remember missing my other half when he went away overseas for work and the mere sniff of his worn t-shirt made me bawl like a baby.

there are other times, when certain random, mundane events made us go back to the times that has passed and we long for it once more.

we human beings are hardwired to be sentimental - even if some would say they are not tied to the hogwash of yesteryears - because face it, we have many men and women striving to get back to their youth or their youthful days when all things are carefree and (relatively) easy. they either try very hard to maintain their looks by exercising and eating healthily and then, taking the even extreme steps to consume or indulge in endeavours involving chemical assistance or knife intervention to look young.

not to mention the middle age or mid life crisis. 

when men buy the fastest cars that money can buy, or that top of the line gadget just to stay hip. i shall not go into that part on chasing younger women, because to be fair, there is a growing trend of older women dating much younger men. and we do not need to go abroad to find such examples.

so i shan't spare the women. but we rather like to indulge in a more beautifying aspect of feeling young such as those oh-satisfying and sensory stimulating slimming and spa treatments. anything that makes us feel good, in turn makes us feel young.

so i do not believe anyone who say they are not sentimental at all. believe me, even if it does not manifest in their outward behaviour, it will surely be inherent in the things they hoard or accumulate. it will be in the way they dress or the company they keep. the sentimentalism will definitely appear in a myriad of colourful ways.

but here i am digressing again.

i am actually wondering about the scientific reasons for missing someone.

"here i go about in my daily routine, telling myself that by not contacting him anymore, i will be better... and i was... except then, all of a sudden, without notice, when i was just going about doing something totally routine, the pangs came. i feel these painful spasms in my heart... literally. well it felt that way. it felt debilitating."

"my grandma's sister in law, which means, she's my grand aunt, was so heart broken, grieving badly and  missing her other half who passed away recently, later was struck by stroke within days after the funeral - the similar ailment that caused her husband to pass on. she loves him too much and the thought of going through life without him just made her feel... totally numb."

so how do we explain all these?

i went on a bit of a research on the net. type "missing someone scientific explanation" on the Google page and press enter.

Voila!

a few thousand hits. i haven't really found the reasons yet in this one but this particular site below is a good groundbreaking find.

http://www.newscientist.com/special/ten-mysteries-of-you

(not exactly answering the questions, but it delves into the other things or aspects in life which you often wonder and yet there are still no definite answers to them)

i also found this.

http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak_progress

When a person feels secluded or feels loss, changes in the brain's blood flow occur. The anterior cingulate cortex (responsible for regulating physical pain distress) becomes more active during these times. This is seen in victims of depression who also register physical pain due to the detection of nociception, which triggers a variety of responses, one which results in the experience of pain. People who are depressed or who are under extreme stress are more at risk to develop heart disease and other cardiovascular diseases based on research that found depression to help in thickening artery walls . 

while it does not actually answer the question about why we miss someone, it does elaborate about the feeling of loss, which is akin to that 'missing feeling'.

but i think the most relevant to my burning query could be found here:

http://www.quora.com/What-are-the-brain-chemicals-involved-when-I-miss-someone-Im-in-love-with

In short, depending on the length of your relationship, you either miss the things you did with your partner because of testosterone/estrogen, serotonin, and dopamine or your addiction has evolved beyond the activities and also includes targeted feelings for that specific individual (and possibly feelings related to share responsibilities) in which case you have nerve growth factor, and possibly norepinephrine and oxytocin to blame.

This is, I suppose, a somewhat important distinction. You may feel like you love a person now, but if the relationship hasn’t lasted longer than at least a year, then you were probably did not love them so much as you loved being with them. In which case, “jumping back on the horse” really can make you feel better. If you did love them, then you will probably just have to “suffer through the pain” for a couple of years while your HGF levels go down.

don't you think these sound totally hokey and farfetched?

made me wish i did not ask for an answer in the first place. teeheehee...

to end this hopefully dissecting discursive on missing someone, here is a short poem or saying on the subject:

"As contratries are known by contraries, so is the delight of presence best known by the torments of absence." - Alcibiades

Fictional Love

there should be a statute that every written word must be supported by some fathomable feasible and rational evidence.

but then again, if i were to agree to such a statute, there goes my favourite genre at the bookstore - FICTION.

yes, my love of fictions has been a old kind of love. the enduring kind, because i grew up making stories using a regular school exercise book, with imaginary characters, drawn of course with my own two artsy hands. (yes i consider it artsy because it was rather 'pretty' and 'handsome' at the time - to my eyes, that is)

i grew up with fictions. i have to admit i was into the guy meets girl scene. guy does not know he loves her until much later. girl is too proud to admit that she likes guy as well, because they are friends. or perhaps, the more dramatic one would be, girl and guy were betrothed. yes this would be a historical romance. guy is a pain in the you-know-where because he is older and cynical about the world. guy doesn't mind the betrothal because he thinks he can continue his life as before when he gets married. but then he doesn't plan to fall in love with the girl, whose innocence and optimism win him over. things like that...

i suppose one could easily take a guess on what type of fiction i am into. (i can't write 'was into' at the moment, because i have to confess that i do love to read them still). yes i am in love with romantic fictions, be it the modern day romances or the historical ones. although, i assure you that i am not a romantic fool. that's relative as well!

i am not sure what types of books which have shaped me growing up, but i have read all of my mother's beloved Judith McNaught collection. there were also the occasional Mills and Boons which i would 'borrow' from her - trashy novels when you were a teenager seemed unfailingly rebellious. truth be told, i do not get much of what was written then! 

i also love reading thrillers and crime novels. i have loads of Stephen King and Dean Koontz books. i also read all three Hannibal Lecter series (Thomas Harris). then, there was a phase when i would read a lot of Alex Cross' novels by James Patterson (even before the novels were made into movies). i do not remember reading much while i was studying overseas. except for that one time when i was raring to collect all of the Green Miles series - Stephen King released the book by chapters then, most probably for gimmick reason. i supposed in the United Kingdom, i was either busy watching telly or reading the course books were already too much. not that i read most of my accounting books. i remember i started reading more vigorously again after coming back from the U.K. although the genre would be more varied and focusing on family, relationship and life in general, rather than the airy fairy world of romance. 

i love Wally Lamb's I Know This Much Is True. it struck a chord or two within me because it was essentially a story about twins. i also love Audrey Niffennegger's Time Traveller's Wife. and then, there was Cecilia Ahern period (but all her books after P.S. I Love You were not as comparable). also the Sophia Kinsella's bug. i did read some of Tony Parson's books but none of them were memorable. there was also one of those one-hit-wonders, like Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden) and Prep (Curtis Sittenfeld). and then i got curious about the best-selling self-exploratory book called Eat, Pray, Love (Elizabeth Gilbert) that i had to read it. it was not that bad - was not great either, but it did provoke some thoughts. some are welcomed and some are not. 

although we are discontent about our lives, but we are so used with its regularity and familiarity that we rather leave it as it is - however unhappy we really are. i wonder at times whether that is keeping me from trying out something new which is the unknown. it is not so much of the ambiguity and probability of failure, it is more about not wanting to leave my comfort zone. the next question is how long would i last?

the last great book which i read is called 'One Day' (David Nicholls) which was about a year and a half ago. i love the premise of an enduring friendship between a man and a woman. i love that they could talk about everything except how they felt about each other. i love that friends turned to lovers. maybe i am reaching out for something that is lacking in my own relationship. nonetheless, it is good to be lost in the whole fictional relationship for awhile. consume the unattainable but pleasing to the senses and leave graciously and willingly when it is time. 

hence, the reason why i love fictions. it could not be as factual as real life. it does not need to. it lets you escape for a while into a world that is different from your own. to learn about things which are familiar and yet foreign. and perhaps to learn about yourself as well. if you let it to.

twenty-twelve

it has been about a month since my last post. 

i had some drafts in between, but i was too downtrodden to finish them. 

i would like to say i was just too tired, but to tell you the truth, i don't feel like writing.

some say the pained, the heartbroken, or just those who are generally facing a bad time in their lives, would write better. it is something akin to release. writing is a release of all their pent up emotions, and these are translated into a poetry, or a sad love song or a best-selling collection of wizard boy adventures.

for me, i don't think i'd write when i'm feeling down. i would just look at the paper/ screen and wonder what is it that would make me feel so good about writing.

nevertheless, writing is also a purification of soul. crying cleanses you, but writing purifies you.

so anyways, i wouldn't write anything more, other than yes, i have been busy since the last time i have written. the things which i was up to and going through in no particular order whatsoever.

1. went to Singapore from the 16 to 18 December weekened for a short holiday. my boys' first holiday during the long school break. we were there for me to watch the musical Wicked (which is still playing at the Marina Bay Sands Grand theatre until this February 2012), and for the boys to swim in the big swimming pool.

2. my parents finally moved out their house in Kota Damansara - our house - which we have been staying since 2002. thats like 10 years. i got married there. two of my other sisters and my brother also got married there. i called it the 'transition house'. the house in which all of the married sisters and brother stayed in, for that short while, before we moved on to our own houses (save for one sister whose husband already have a pad in Ampang at the time of their marriage). it's the house where my first son grew up before moving to our own just before my second son was born. the transition house of all sorts. where we learned to adjust to be a good wife/ husband/mother/father. 

hubby helped a lot with the moving. he even fell twice during cleaning up the house. he was mopping and carrying a bucket of water when he fell once. i was shocked by the loud thud. concerned and alarmed that he might he seriously hurt. actually, it is during these kind of events, that you know how much you care for someone. until he does something stupid like being inconsiderate or insensitive. hohum. 

3. my twin sister came back from Dubai for about 2 weeks of break. although we didnt get to hang out much due to family commitments, but it's good to know that she was back in our Malaysian soil. i did call for a family pot luck dinner on second day of 2012, but she couldnt make it in the end as her daughter contracted chicken pox. as i am expecting, i dont think it's wise for her to bring her daughter to the dinner.

4. our birthday fell on 21st December - we didnt get to spend it together, regardless, due to scheduling conflict, but we hung out a few days later. hubby said my birthday gift was the Singapore and Wicked trip. oh yes, there was a belated birthday treat on the following Sunday. or was it Monday 26th? we went to Ben's Pavilion KL.... again.

5. my 9th year wedding anniversary. i got a card and nothing else, but i know he was saving for the change of maid. so i was kinda okay with it (took me awhile to unpout). i treated him to dinner this time around at a local hotel. suffice to say, we need to go out on our own more.

6. my second son started kindergarten. oh my baby has grown up! *sob* i had (well, am still having) some problem letting go. seeing how good he was at the kindy without me. i did accompany him for the first 2 days of school, in which he was so clingy to me that i was afraid he would not be able to be independent. although, he's the more independent one as compared to my first son, he doesnt want to participate much when i was with him. but he fared much better when his father took him for the 3rd and 4th day. he started taking the transportation on the 5th day and my heart wrenched thinking how a little boy like him could go on to and fro without someone to accompany him. then i realsied that my first son had undergone the same thing. although, the duration was slightly longer, with the maid accompanying him for about two weeks!

7. the agent for Indonesian maids whom i have been in contact for about a month passed away suddenly the day i was supposed to meet her to pass my deposit. what bad luck! it was more eerrie than surreal. apparently it was due to natural causes. i am now without an agent (there is one potential but she charges high). and my current problematic maid's contract/ visa will expire this upcoming Chinese New Year.

8. a dinner with friends on Christmas night. it made me laugh. i realised i am happiest when i get to converse without any prejudice. these are mostly the people whom i am comfortable with. and ironically, they are my hubby's friends.

9. an expected wedding of a pseudo friend. yes, i am not sure that i am even a friend to this person. i know it's coming but it's still a shock. there are things i want to say, but i guess the truth or reality will unveil itself in its own time. well, as Elphaba has famously sung "i hope you're happy now that you're choosing this..." :)

10. i am now almost 20 weeks pregnant, insyaAllah. halfway there little one. i cant wait to meet you. i hope i'm ready for your cries and hunger. and i hope we have patience for one another. :)

that's the gist of what had happened during the past month.

i do hope i will write more often. it's just a matter of willpower. 

after all, one of my favourite authors, Stephen King, has written :

"If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others : READ a lot and WRITE a lot.... reading is the creative center of a writer's life... you cannot hope to sweep someone else away by the force of your writing until it has been done to you."

Channelling my Chanel

to date i have 66 posts in this blog. 

i think that is quite an achievement given that i havent written much over the past year. and when i did write, they are mostly gibberish and done out of the fervent need to whine and rant.

but then again, the main purpose of a blog is to do just that.

anyways, i have promised myself that i would have 70 posts before the year ends and thus, for today i think i have a 'lil treat for you. well, it was a treat for me to be able to find this article on the net, because it was indeed an eye-opener. :)

i found this article on the www.purseblog.com, which is one of the leading designer handbag blogs. 

i blame my friend for taking me to Chanel earlier this week, to prompt me on this obsession to find the name of a certain bag design. (going into Chanel itself again is a definite no, because i am not in the mood to act as if i'm buying :P)

so without further ado, please have a look at the pictures which i found on the post called "How A Chanel Bag Is Made" for your viewing pleasure.

(you can hop to the link itself to read more, but do gawk at the pictures here first.... :)

apparently some of the comments made on the post were that the fact the bag was machine made (with manmade stitching does come to play on some elements of the bag making), or that the price does not befit the machine made bag, did cause some women (and men) to pause on whether they should even get the bag, but frankly, i would still want to own one.

one day. in the upcoming future. when i earn like RM20k a month. :P

(please don't add 'and pigs may fly', because the Anne of Green Gables in me, still does 'believe')

okay - before i rant and rave again - below are some of the pictures 'borrowed' from The Purseblog. 

(pssstttt.... they are not in order of process, because they are also jumbled up in the original post)

Out of sorts

I have not been doing much upkeep on this blog of late. 

for that, i am truly sorry... to myself, for not taking the initiative to whine (and/or gloat), whenever i can. as the opportunity does crop a lot of times... it's just that i dont feel like writing.

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately. mostly pictorial blogs. goes to show that pictures do say more than a few thousand words. more than a few written gibberish words, pulled together to form coherent thoughts.

anyhoo, there are things which i want to write but i guess i'm not in the right frame of mind to divulge much, because i may just divulge TOO much.

so as usual, i change the topic and here is a picture of a yet designer bag which is unattainable at the moment but could be mine, if i put all my priorities wrongly.

: P

girls, the bag in question is by Yves Saint Laurent or YSL for short form easier-to-pronounce-name.

aptly called 'Muse', this bag is something to be mused about. (this sentence does not even make sense)

the bag comes in many colours, even in that emerald shade that i absolutely adore, but somehow to be practical, i chose this chocolate colour for illustrative purpose.

Note: pic credits : www.ysl.com, www.mytheresa.com


PS: took me about 3 weeks to have this posted (sat in draft for the longest time). something is wrong somewhere. hmmm...

one of those days....

else, i just eat EVERYTHING... and i don't know what i had eaten and why i ate it in the first place.

(well, actually, i do know WHY, but the joy of eating is no longer there)

i just hope the bloating feeling will dissipate soon.

i would very much like to LIKE my food. 

homely retreat

as i plough through another sickly day, trying to make sense of the tiredness, i came across this in my mailbox. 

it heartened me. the sheer visual of the beautiful room just made me (and my heart) smile.

Lou's jumping on her bed!

doesn't this make you want to ooh and aah?

i especially love the beads chandelier :)

as well as the accompanying story : a mother planned to redecorate her daughter's room with the sole goal of her sleeping in there more often and ended up being the winner of the first Washington Post Kid's Room Contest.

in gist, Krista Salmon, the mother, has been undergoing this 'Big Girl' project to make the room for her lil' girl, Anna Louise aka Lou more livable. something that both of them would be proud of.

(see the whole story here)

if you want more inspiration to do up your kids room, please go to Krista's personal blog called Kiki's List. the post on the revelation of Lou's room could be found here.

now.... what could i do to make my boys sleep in their own (non-existent) room?

hmmm... first off, need ze hubby to get cracking by inciting him with the idea of more privacy. :P

next up... i need to think of a palette for the room. Big Brother likes Purple... and lil brother likes... er... Pink. for now. hehehe.

B.R.O.G.U.E.S.

Fashion Trend : BROGUES 

Brogues - Definition :

a durable, comfortable, low-heeled shoe, often having decorative perforations and a wing tip often with ornamental perforations

a coarse, usually untanned shoe once worn in Ireland and Scotland

I especially like the etymology of the word :

type of Celtic accent, 1705, perhaps from the meaning "rough,stout shoe" worn by rural Irish and Scottish highlanders (1580s),via Gaelic or Irish, from O.Ir. broce "shoe," thus originally meaningsomething like "speech of those who call a shoe a brogue." Orperhaps it is from O.Ir. barrog "a hold"

off white brogues are just fineeeee with these jeans. *

the perforation on these shoes maketh the brogues.

ASOS black patent brogues - as depicted in next pic.

lady.... you really know how to work those brogues of yours. *

okay, no brogues, but luverly Balenciage bag :) *

been obsessed about brogues of late.... but then i havent made up my mind on which brogues to get. 

i like mine with a bit of lift or height. i dont know why... the older i get, the safer i feel with heels. 

the heels are like my personal back straightener. (granted, they also hurt my back, but not when i'm using them).

so these are my current faves. i haven't seen them in the local high street shops yet. but then again, i haven't been actively looking.

(Amazon.com), heels are just right to NOT be called a witch's pairs.

mind you, the trend has also gone to the kids' fashion segment.

because last week, i found these at Ginger Snaps.

chic pair of baby brogues in metallic beige that i'd want one! :)

Photos credits in * are from a fashion blog called wheredidyougetthat, specifically, a post entitled http://www.wheredidugetthat.com/2011/08/high-voltage.html

last weekend - a wedding

last weekend we went back to Penang to send my inlaws back, which was partly the reason, as my husband was invited to an ex colleague's wedding reception at E&O Hotel on Saturday.

i was intrigued to attend the wedding in the E&O as it boasted a colourful history as being the first luxury hotel during the colonial era. built in 1885 by the four Armenian brothers, the 'Sarkies', it has seen two World Wars and is still proudly serving guests in 2011 (after undergoing an extensive renovation in 2001).

for more of its rich chronicles, click here.

mind you, rich is the imperative word here, as the going rate starts at a 'meagre' RM 730 for the 'essential' room, hence we would not be easily inclined to spend the night there - unless of course, i manage to coax my other half to not spend at least a night at his house nearby. :)

as we arrived at the place, about half an hour's late at 1230pm, we looked for our names on the list of guests and their related table number on the wall, near the main ballroom. we found out that our table was upstairs of the ballroom, akin to Circle level if you are familiar with 'show hall' terminology. of which i quipped to my hubby, "either we're special or not special."

turned out we're not - as most closed-knitted and VIP guests, as well as the blushing bride and the immaculate groom were seated downstairs in the main ballroom (Stall level) - but it gave us a bird eye's view of the place. the ballroom was indeed grand in a subtle kind of way, not ostentatiously so, but quietly refined, like it does not need to prove itself. i would imagine it was heavily used for fancy parties and débutante proms back in its heydays. well, of course, for wedding receptions, notwithstanding.

this was the hallway that leads to the ballroom

the food was all right but not superb. we were initially served hors d'oeuvre comprising of a fusion of gado-gado, along with skewered satay with peanut sauce and some imperceptible salad thingy. then it was chicken broth with carrots and potatoes cut into little pieces. i loved that simple dish because i was in the mood for something soupy. after that, the main course. we had to wait for the servers to bring out the food one by one that i thought it was meant to be like that as the bride was half Chinese. turned out, it was due to inefficiency, rather than design. there was the 'XL prawn' dish which was dispensed out first and put on the table but was moments later taken away right after the waitress served us one piece each. huh? was i the only foodie who noticed that? because the rest of the dishes were left on the table - rice, chicken, fish, beef, veggies and 'acar' (spiced pickled fruits) - where we could liberally consume.

there was the usual wedding entertainment, which was clearly arranged by the parents of the bride because of the demographic of the singers. the songs being belted out were various enough, consisting of a multitude of past and present hits, of which at some point, they sang a Selamat Hari Raya number. i had an okay time, considering there were two other guests sitting at the table of ten. all of which were from my hubby's former bank. i guess it would have been a better experience if i had known the pengantins on a personal level, but it was the first time i've seen them - and it was from the balcony overlooking the Stall level of the majestic ballroom. :P

(apparently as i found out later, the reception was the bride side's, so we could not blame the seating arrangement being unfavourable as we're from the groom side. i was of course, telling myself this to nurse a bruised ego. hah!)

we left around 3pm, after hubby had said his thank you and goodbye to the newly-weds, while i conveniently sneaked into the ladies for a little private time and mainly, to check it out. the Deco was still yesteryears that i had to snap a picture of the pre War ladies WC. and blimey, thank goodness the flush still worked. 

the boys would love the swimming pool!

before we headed out, hubby indulged me to some photo taking outside the hotel looking out the seaside. and i took one of him candidly. i know he would thank me later. *grin*

photo credits are from the official E&O site.

personal photos are not uploaded because this is a public portal. :)

Pable Neruda : Sonnet XV11/ Sonnet 17

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you thus, not knowing how to otherwise than this way whereby neither you nor I exist so close that your hand on my chest is mine; so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego: te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras, secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma. Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores, y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra. Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde, te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo: así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera, sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres, tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía, tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

NEW LOVE

i have a new love. and it is this. 

Description: 
Chloé bag: multicolored leather and suede, buckle-fastening shoulder strap, front buckle-fastening pocket, side flap pockets, internal leather designer tag, internal slit pockets, gold hardware, fully lined. Designer-stamped zip fastening. Spot clean. Leather: Calf. Designer color: Brown.


(Source : Net-a-porter)

*S W O O N*

Somewhere Only We Know

jaded and confused. long lost and unrequited loves. longing for old times. restoring hope and faith. wanting to believe again.

a perfect song for all these.

the lyrical companion:

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go? So why don't we go?

Oh, this could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know