for the heart

Why Aren’t My Prayers Being Answered?

Question: Why aren’t my prayers being answered?  Answer: May Allah reward you for asking such an honest question, and may He guide us towards the truth.Ameen. I think what happens in this type of situation is that we mix up our meansand our ends. When we make du`a’ for a good husband, for example, is that strong marriage a means or an end? I think many people take it as an end, which explains much of the disillusionment and disappointment that often follows (ironically in both cases: whether we get it or we don’t). Like everything in this dunya, marriage is only a means – a means to reach Allah. So if we pray for it and we don’t get it, perhaps Allah has chosen another means for us – perhaps through hardship, the purification it may cause and the sabr it builds, to bring us to that end: Allah. It may be, as only Allah knows best, that had He given us that amazing husband we made du`a’ for, it would have made us heedless and therefore not achieve our end at all. Instead of seeing it like this, however, I think the problem is we are seeing things as just the opposite. The dunya (that great job, certain type of spouse, having a child, school, career, etc) is our end and *Allah* is the means that we use to get there. We use that means, through making du`a’, to achieve our end (whatever it is that we’re making du`a’ for), and then get disappointed when our means (Allah) didn’t come through for us. We throw our hands up in the air and say our du`a’ are not being answered. Our means just isn’t coming through for us! But, Allah isn’t a means. He is the end. The ultimate objective of even du`a’ itself is to build our connection to Allah. Through du`a’ we become closer to Him. So, I think the problem is that our focus is wrong. That’s why I love the du`a’ of istikhara so much. It’s just perfect because it acknowledges that Allah only knows best, and then asks for Him to bring what is best and take away what is not best. The focus of that du`a’ is not that which you are asking for. The focus is what is best in this life and next. This is not to say that we cannot make du`a’ for things specifically that we want. On the contrary. Allah loves for us to ask of Him. But it means that once we ask, do our part to the utmost, and put our trust in Allah, we are pleased with what Allah chooses for us. And we realize that Allah answers all du`a’ - but not always in the form we expect. And that is simply because our knowledge is limited, and His is unlimited. In His infinite knowledge He may send us what He knows to be better for us in achieving the ultimate end: the pleasure of Allah (swt). Wa Allahu `alam (and Allah knows best).

Source: http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/05/11/why-arent-my-prayers-adeyah-being-answered/

On a side note (something I learn):

Du’a is something that we always make but I think many of us fail to see the light and purpose in it. I remember a scholar once shared during his khutbah about du’a. Many muslims he observes make du’a as if it is not a big deal… it is seem as part of a ritual after salat; in a sense that the du’a is the same after another, they are usually rushed and the recitation of the du’a is on automatic mode (dah hafal doa-doa yg afdal). He also observed they usually have blank expression and even yawning compared to those who make dua with hard or soft expressions like teary face, weeping, closed eyes + frowning, bowing while hands raised high above the head….

But, as muslims he said we cannot judge other people because we cannot tell what lies in the heart, only Allah knows that. So the scholar advised that we should make du’a when THERE is a NEED for it for Allah will judge and favor on those who really NEED His favors. ONLY WE on own OURSELF can tell whether our du’a is empty or not. While it is good to include recitation of du’a from the Quran, examples from beloved prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his companions (amalan doa yg afdhal)… he advise that we should also include into our du’a by words expressed of our ownself. Only thru this, our du’a is meaningful coz we find the NEED for it and it will not be as empty nor on automatic mode. Especially for muslims whose Arabic language is hard on the tongue. Du’a is free from rituals of physical order (tak ikut tertib macam dlm solat) and it is free of language. Du’a can be made anytime, anywhere and any way you like. E.g. in the heart, after prayer, conversation, in congregation/majils, e.t.c

Du’a is an engagement session with our Creator so it is best to make du’a all the time for ALLAH loves those who always praise and remember Him. Allah is our personal counsel, confidante and saviour – that is why muslims put their ultimate trust in Allah and never give up hope in His mercy. Lastly remember Allah is our final end. So let us make meaningful du’a everytime we make one and hopefully Allah will forgive us lovingly, shows His bountiful mercy on all of us as we journey to our final destination in His straight path, ameen.

PS: this is from something that arrived in my mailbox.

homely retreat

as i plough through another sickly day, trying to make sense of the tiredness, i came across this in my mailbox. 

it heartened me. the sheer visual of the beautiful room just made me (and my heart) smile.

Lou's jumping on her bed!

doesn't this make you want to ooh and aah?

i especially love the beads chandelier :)

as well as the accompanying story : a mother planned to redecorate her daughter's room with the sole goal of her sleeping in there more often and ended up being the winner of the first Washington Post Kid's Room Contest.

in gist, Krista Salmon, the mother, has been undergoing this 'Big Girl' project to make the room for her lil' girl, Anna Louise aka Lou more livable. something that both of them would be proud of.

(see the whole story here)

if you want more inspiration to do up your kids room, please go to Krista's personal blog called Kiki's List. the post on the revelation of Lou's room could be found here.

now.... what could i do to make my boys sleep in their own (non-existent) room?

hmmm... first off, need ze hubby to get cracking by inciting him with the idea of more privacy. :P

next up... i need to think of a palette for the room. Big Brother likes Purple... and lil brother likes... er... Pink. for now. hehehe.

NEW LOVE

i have a new love. and it is this. 

Description: 
Chloé bag: multicolored leather and suede, buckle-fastening shoulder strap, front buckle-fastening pocket, side flap pockets, internal leather designer tag, internal slit pockets, gold hardware, fully lined. Designer-stamped zip fastening. Spot clean. Leather: Calf. Designer color: Brown.


(Source : Net-a-porter)

*S W O O N*

Ramadhan 1432

this is extremely long overdue.

i wanted to write this much earlier - which is just before Ramadhan. well, i planned to do it the day before fasting month started, but in the end things happened - unusually heavy workload, extreme exhaustion, ensuing influenza and the ever recurring procrastination - that i didn't manage to keep my want.

yep, story of my life.

two years ago i've written in FB that i missed the Ramadhan back in my childhood home Shah Alam. i love the fasting month because it always made me feel closer to my family. there was the terawih at the Masjid Biru, the preparation in which my family and i went through like the annual chores of hanging curtains, putting on festive chairbacks and table runners, baking goodies and even stowing away junks at the back of the drawers. the filial togetherness, the sense of belonging and the brimming happiness are my main memories of Ramadhan and Syawal.

fast forward to the current reality of having own family and own commitments, i realised that i still cling to those memories of the Ramadhan yesteryears. i feel that my present Ramadhan is not as happy or ideal as it should be back when i was younger. 

don't get me wrong. i do look forward to Ramadhan, but it usually does not work out the way i visualise. it falls short to my utopian expectations.

i want to be able to do terawih at the masjid (like i used to).

i want to have buka puasa with all my family members everyday (like i used to).

i want to bake cookies and cakes for Raya with my mother and siblings. (like i used to).

i want to spend the night before the first of Syawal, listening to 'live' takbir raya, as a throng of neighbours come around to the house to bless us (like i used to).

of course, unfortunately, these are just wishful thinkings. 

truthfully, i have yet to do terawih at the masjid this year and at this rate, i don't think i will. i do go for iftar at my parents' place every Sunday (and there is also the Saturday gathering at my nenek's in Kampung Baru) but that was never enough. i could make time during weekdays but this year's workload during Ramadhan was heavier than usual due to stretched deadlines, that i usually ended reaching home near to maghrib or even after that. i also don't think i would get to make any kuih raya with my sisters as we will be leaving for my hubby's kampung this weekend. nevertheless, i am glad that i have managed to share my apple and mini chicken pies with them during the last two iftar get-togethers. *beam* even though the congregation will not be in either my neighbourhood or my parents' (as they are no longer in Shah Alam) to recite the takbir raya,  i am thankful to have the resplendent memory.

yes, i still do have the memories, so that counts a lot. alhamdulillah.

the funny thing about clinging to the past, is that we forget to enjoy what we have presently. we could be ungrateful and are always expecting disappointments because things are not like 'back then'. when we compare what we have with what we don't have, the yearning cards would invariably trump.

i am not going to dabble in the psychological aspect of this, but my own take on this 'phenomenon' (i call it that because the origin of this behaviour was never properly explained) is that when things are temporarily bleak, we want to be able to have that option. of going back. of having the alternative.

it is not necessarily a bad thing, as long as we are rooted in our subsistence. 

now i sound like a shrink.

moving on, this Ramadhan made me pause to reflect that i could have better memories (i do?) of the future Ramadhan and Syawal (insyaAllah), by creating new joyful memories. i could naturally base these on my experience but i could also tweak them to adapt to my current situation. all i need are creativity and boundless of faith. 

of course, Raya at my side is always better, but i know that going back to his side makes my husband happy, so i wouldn't whine about it. much. my kids, like i was back then, would be happy when both parents are happy during the festive break. more often than not, it is more about them having a good time. i guess my parent taught me that. generally good times mean a happy childhood. i, for one, would not want my grown up kids to come to me later on and say  "my Raya then sucks. i did not enjoy my Raya at all back then. so i don't think i want to go home for Raya." *yipes*

for me, this Ramadhan is about purging the past, and holding on to the gritty present. the latter is scarier with open-ended possibilities, but it also means we have opportunities to create something which we could be proud of.

i need to move on. there are certain areas in my life which are holding me back. but intuitively, i know it is time. i could not live with half-baked could haves and could bes. i will need to take that monumental step (okay, it sounds dramatic but it is not of a paradigm shift proportion), and be brave enough to live with the consequences.

bubbles burst. hearts mend. wounds heal. features restore. people adapt. life goes on.

after all, it is much easier to grieve when it is something that you never even have.